The other night I turned to my husband and asked. Have you gotten the address to mail that card yet? I try to sound neutral and not annoyed. A week after his birthday party, Hudson drew pictures to say thanks to all his friends. It’s been Dave’s job to mail them ever since and there is still one card left. I can see the card still sitting on the kitchen counter where it’s been for the past 3 months so I know I’m egging him on, but I want to see if the card is even on his radar. I won’t bore you with the full conversation that followed, but mailing the last card was definitely not on his radar. I know I’m not alone. I know that many of us can relate to these conversations and micro moments that make women feel like we’re shouldering the majority of unpaid domestic work at home.
Watch + Listen to the whole conversation:
I certainly didn’t have the vocabulary to articulate how I felt prior to my conversation with Eve. Not only is Eve advocating for gender equity for women on a National level, she is also empowering women by giving a voice to the frustration that so many of us feel. Yet Eve doesn’t just name the problem- that women are shouldering the burden of unpaid domestic work. She presents a solution to rebalance partnerships and ease this frustration. You have to listen to this conversation and then go check out Eve’s best sellings books- Fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space.
What advice do you have for couples who feel like they’re bickering over the minutiae of daily decisions?
It’s really difficult to have these conversations because we think we’re fighting over who has to pick up the kids from school and whose turn it is to wake up in the middle of the night. And that’s what’s hard because it presents so small but it’s actually a foil. The presenting problem is not the real problem. The presenting problem is the underwear that’s left on the floor or the sponge that’s left in the sink. But the real problem is that society doesn’t value women’s time, as if it’s infinite like sand, and we guard and protect men’s time as if it’s finite, like diamonds. Until all time is created equal and until we realize time is 24 hours, nothing is going to change.
What is your advice to women who feel like they’re shouldering the majority of work at home?
Well, first, I would say to them that they’re not alone. I want to normalize these feelings and help women recognize that there’s a way out. I’m here fighting for the bigger solutions whether it’s paid leave, or universal childcare and other bills on a national level. But while all of that happens, or doesn’t happen for us, we still have to get through each day and we still have to breathe. But there’s a secret formula! So here’s the good news. We found that if you have three things in place, you’re going to report that you can be thriving, even in the midst of disruption and hard times. And those three things are boundaries, systems and communication. That’s the secret formula.
Can you tell us about starting a unicorn space practice in our lives?
I have 3 points about starting a unicorn space practice in your own life. First, active pursuits make us come alive. We want to help you build a habit. We’re not saying find a hobby, because another word that was associated with hobby, in my interviews was infrequency. Second, creativity, is linked to daily flourishing. And that’s what I wish for everybody, I want everybody to flourish daily. And to do that, we need to practice rituals. Lastly, it requires recognizing that your time is diamonds. And even a five minute practice can be a unicorn space. When creativity compounds, it’s really beautiful.
Bridget Garsh
Co-founder & COO
Bridget is mom to two little boys, Hudson and Brooks, and a champion of working moms everywhere. NeighborSchools itself was borne out of Bridget’s challenge to find high-quality yet affordable child care, and the realization that so many parents struggle with these same issues every day.
Read more from Bridget, follow her on IG, and check out her new series, Work Like a Mother.
